2008

Taylor's grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997. She, having fought it off, became a survivor of breast cancer. She had no cancer for a couple of years, but then the breast cancer slowly came back. She had chemo done, but in October 2008 it came back worse. On Christmas Eve, while everyone was at Taylor's house because their house was the biggest, she started getting dizzy and throwing up. They took her to the E.R and said she's okay, just that her stomach was starting to bloat. They took her back home but a couple of days later she started throwing up again, but worse. They took her back to the hospital and stayed about 4 days. When they got her back home, she had to stay in bed or in a chair the whole time. She would shake her head or point to respond to you, or she would rarely respond to someone saying,
 " Love you. Hang in there. It'll be okay" and say, "I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She had to drink through sponge sticks and didn't eat much. She got worse and stayed in bed the whole time. The grandpa knew it was about time for her to go and called Taylor's mom and two aunts up. Her grandmas eyes were closed and they all held her hand, saying goodbye. On the day of the funeral, Taylor had a championship game. They won and after she went up to grandpa and said, "That was for grandma." Her grandma was cremated and was put inside a marbled pink box - her favorite color. She was barried at a sight that was for people who served in the military because Taylor's grandpa served in Vietnam. Taylor says this was the saddest day in her life. On the plack next to Taylor's grandma is read her birthday and the day she died. Bellow those was a inscription that read: wife, mom, and grandma

Give them space

When people say they are over the fact they have lost someone, a dog, a cat, a grandma, a parent, etc, it most likely isn't true. But don't bug them for details either. If they aren't comfortable, let them be. Even if its been since they were little, don't push them because the truth is, they might not want to talk about it. Loss is a sad thing. Its a inconvenience. Its the time you mourn. Its a tragedy. You miss that someone so dearly, you ache for one last day with them. Like Em's poem, her line, 'I lay awake these long nights, wishing for just one more day' You see, even as i interview these people, they get choked up, they remember the loss, they relive the pain. Its not fair to bug them and ask them about what happened, its only fair to give them space. Otherwise, remembering just might make them feel that need, that ache, to see that person even more.

Baba

Baba, my step-moms grandma, past away March 12, 2003. Emily is my step-mom, and Baba was her dads mom. Baba had no symptoms, perfectly normal. Ems dad, Dan, and Pia, his wife at the time, were going on a vacation and asked Baba if she needed anything because she couldn't drive. Baba said yes and told them what she wanted. They went to the store and early morning Dan called, she didn't answer. He decided to drive over and drop the stuff off at her doorstep. A few hours later, about 9ish, he called again. Still no answer. He thought it was weird, considering she cant drive, has no where to go, and never sleeps in, so he went back over. The food was still on the doorstep and he rang the doorbell. no answer. He used the hide-a-key and went inside. He found her face-down in the family room, breathing but not conscious. She wouldn't wake up so he called 911. They took her to the hospital and on his way over he called Em. He told her what happened and said, "" i don't know how bad it is, but shes breathing. I'll fill you in and call you if we need you." the whole family came down and they ran some tests, she had a brain aneurysm. A brain aneurysm is when a blood vessel bursts in the brain. on the scans of her brain everything was black. that black was blood. Baba was alive, but had no function, she was breathing off tubes. If they were to un-tube her, she would die. The family decided that was best, but they wanted all the aunts and uncles there and for everyone to say bye. They all got there that night and stood around the bed, taking turns holding her hand and saying their farewells. Em held her hand last, still holding it as they took the tubes out. She kept telling her that she loved her over and over. Baba kept breathing 30 minutes after they took the tubes out and slowly past away. They planned the funeral and sorted Baba's stuff, Em did the music and since none of the grand kids wanted to speak at the funeral, she wrote a poem. Baba was cremated and after the funeral everyone went back to Ems house and celebrated her life instead of mourning that she was gone.
Em's poem:
The comfort of her hug
the power of her praise
the gentleness in all she does
in every loving way
The smile of an angel
a laugh that fills the room
a heart as pure as gold
yet taken from us too soon
She lived for every moment
for every hug and each kiss
touching all who crossed her path
with a smile- a curl of her lips
Taken from our lives
within the blink of an eye
leaving us with lost opportunity
to smile and say goodbye
I lay awake these long nights
wishing for one more day
but knowing she's with Papa
somehow makes things OK
I truly believe my grandma
is watching us today
Baba, we will cherish all you've given us
in each in every way.